A Bit About Myself
and why I'm no longer a christian
Every person who leaves a religion has a story and most love telling others their de-conversion tale. Mine is pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
I was raised in a christian home and attended a private christian school K-12th. I took active part in a handful of different churches paying no attention to denomination. I did notice that most churches were the happy, clappy, roll on the floor, and speak in tongues kinda of churches though. I was even "prophesied" over when I was little that I would be a pastor and I trained with the pastor of my church for a few months to try to make that happen. Needless to say things didn't work out.
Not entirely sure where I got it from, but I have a unending interest in science. I studied and learned lots and lots of new things after I got out of high school. Of course, I did the good christian thing and jammed these facts down into my religious world view. Big-Bang, you say? That was just the sound of gods voice making the universe. What now, evolution? That was the method god used to create man, the lord works in mysterious ways my friend. Everything had a twist and if it didn't then it must not be true, the scientists had it wrong and eventually they will figure out their errors. But for now what they think is useful for doing experiments and what-not so I'll let them be.
I was raised in a christian home and attended a private christian school K-12th. I took active part in a handful of different churches paying no attention to denomination. I did notice that most churches were the happy, clappy, roll on the floor, and speak in tongues kinda of churches though. I was even "prophesied" over when I was little that I would be a pastor and I trained with the pastor of my church for a few months to try to make that happen. Needless to say things didn't work out.
Not entirely sure where I got it from, but I have a unending interest in science. I studied and learned lots and lots of new things after I got out of high school. Of course, I did the good christian thing and jammed these facts down into my religious world view. Big-Bang, you say? That was just the sound of gods voice making the universe. What now, evolution? That was the method god used to create man, the lord works in mysterious ways my friend. Everything had a twist and if it didn't then it must not be true, the scientists had it wrong and eventually they will figure out their errors. But for now what they think is useful for doing experiments and what-not so I'll let them be.
I continued in that way for a bit until I stumbled upon Carl Sagan. He spoke so beautifully about science and showed a passion for the natural world that was nothing short of sublime. I had also taken a job in a factory running a machine that makes wires for hospital equipment. The job gave me a chance to listen to music so I could drown out the noise of the machine. Working 8 hours a day I quickly ran through my entire music collection and so I tried audio-books. "A demon haunted world: science as a candle in the dark" by Carl Sagan was among the first books I listened to and before it finished I became a skeptic, or at least I knew I wanted to be one.
This wasn't enough to push me over the edge just yet. I still called myself a christian but I knew that the beliefs that I had were not justified. I knew that the church had quite a few things wrong and that the evidence didn't fit with the christian answers. I told myself, "I am a christian not because I have any good reason, but because I choose to be one". I needed an event to get me to let go of a dogmatic belief that I didn't actually believe... yeah it really is that crazy for some people. Lucky for me I got just the kick in the butt I needed.
I had proposed to my girlfriend and we were planning our wedding. She had a pastor in mind and while I had a distaste for organised religion I agreed. One of the conditions the pastor had was that my wife needed to become a christian before he would agree to marry us. I thought it was kind of manipulative but she decided to go ahead with it. After a few weeks of going to church and meeting with the pastor we joined him in the back room of his little church. He told her the crucifixion story and how Jesus did it all just to save her from hell. She began to cry as she repeated after him and performed the ritual of accepting Jesus. I felt like a traitor. I felt like I had served up the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with on a silver platter. Just then the pastor, in an attempt to comfort and reassure my wife, looked up at me and said, "Arn't you glad you have a more beautiful bride now Adam?". It made me sick to my stomach. She was perfect already. That was the wake up call I needed.
I had proposed to my girlfriend and we were planning our wedding. She had a pastor in mind and while I had a distaste for organised religion I agreed. One of the conditions the pastor had was that my wife needed to become a christian before he would agree to marry us. I thought it was kind of manipulative but she decided to go ahead with it. After a few weeks of going to church and meeting with the pastor we joined him in the back room of his little church. He told her the crucifixion story and how Jesus did it all just to save her from hell. She began to cry as she repeated after him and performed the ritual of accepting Jesus. I felt like a traitor. I felt like I had served up the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with on a silver platter. Just then the pastor, in an attempt to comfort and reassure my wife, looked up at me and said, "Arn't you glad you have a more beautiful bride now Adam?". It made me sick to my stomach. She was perfect already. That was the wake up call I needed.
If you made it to the end, thank you and congrats. I know it's not the most interesting topic but fuck you it's my blog and now at least you know where I'm coming from. Next week I'm gonna tackle what atheism is and what it is not.
